y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
