Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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