ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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