Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
sex in a hospital.. check
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
