ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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