I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
