Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
