I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
