i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
