Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
