Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's always time for handjobs
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
