Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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