I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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