We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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