What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
