so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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