im six kinds of drunk right now
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
