I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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