PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
