Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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