Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
