its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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