New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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