i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
