What a fucking waste of an outfit
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize