I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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