I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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