you guys were way drunker than both of me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
