when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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