Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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