So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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