i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
