Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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