$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
BRING THE BAGELS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
