I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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