drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
