have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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