I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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