Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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