My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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