You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
