oh god the rape fog is back!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
