btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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