So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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