I'm gonna have a badass scar
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
