So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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