Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
