im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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