the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
