your thong is hanging out like whoa
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
