just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
