life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize