I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
