I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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