It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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