it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's never too late to be topless.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
