Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
