i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
