If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
too bad you live with your parents still
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
