Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize