I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
