Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
