Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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