I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
