i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
