If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
