please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
