you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
