There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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