My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize