My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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