i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
